Wednesday, October 21, 2009

FML. MLIA. Texts From Last Night.

I always get a good laugh from going to websites like,, & So with those in mind, I thought I'd start sharing some funny true moments from my own life that could easily go on websites such as these. This will be the first of many. Enjoy.

This weekend in Dallas I went to the OU/Texas game in Dallas. I went to the Widespread Panic & Allman brothers concert Friday night with my dad first, stayed at my sister's afterwards, and got up at 7am Saturday to meet up with some friends at their hotel and go to the game with them. I started drinking whiskey and coke when I got there around 8, and we decided to take the Dallas Area Rapid Transit (DART) train from Garland to Fair park to go to the game rather than driving and parking etc. We got on the train around 9:15 (the game started at 11) and proceeded to head towards downtown. Now remind you I had finished 2 whiskey drinks already by this point and made a third to take on the train with me (in a to go cup of course). The train ride started off nicely, not very crowded, a few OU fans I could talk smack to, a lot of good friends and good laughs, and good whiskey.

When we got downtown we had to switch trains from a blue line to a green line to get to Fair Park and the Cotton Bowl. I had finished my third whiskey by this time, and suddenly had the urge to use the bathroom. Looking at the map on the train, I saw that we were merely 3 miles from Fair park, so I decided to just tough it out and get on the green line and try my best to hold it. This was about 9:45. Around 10 I realized that I was going to need to find somewhere to release the whiskey inside of me or else I was going to cause long term damage. A friend with us had met her parents at the train station (they were from Dallas) and thats when her dad informed me that the train had to go down to American Airlines center and turn around before it started heading towards Fair Park. A little concerned, but also a little buzzed, I said okay I can make it. After 5 or 6 more stops (all with more and more people boarding the train) I realized I was in real trouble. If I got off at any stop I would not be able to get on the train again because it was at absolute capacity, and because so many people had decided to take the ironically named DART, it was becoming overloaded with passengers and slowing down the entire train route. I managed to keep a positive attitude about the situation but I was in significant pain.

After what seemed like days, we managed to be 1 stop away from Fair Park (about 1 mile from the entrance to the state fair and the Cotton Bowl). I could no longer tolerate the situation and had to exit the train. This was at 11:30. Mind you the game started at 11, we got on the train at 9, and I had been drinking since 8. I found the nearest Starbucks and just barely made it to the bathroom. Apparently I wasn't the only one having this problem, as someone barged in behind me and proceeded to relieve himself in the sink since there was only one toilet in the facility. With that problem solved, I then had to jog, with a slight buzz, and not a direct idea of just where fair park was, the mile to the game. By the time I finally got into the game, got a coke (to pour more whiskey in from my flask), and got to my seat, the time was now noon and I had missed the entire first quarter save the last 33 seconds. Even after all that I manage to keep my spirits high, have 2 more whiskey and cokes, and watch UT take care of business and beat the Sooners. Happy days right? Wrong. This is where the story really takes a turn for the worse.

After the game, everyone who rode the DART was forced to wait in one of the longest lines I have ever seen in order to board the trains again out front of the fair grounds and take them to other locations. So our group had the bright idea of walking back to the train station I had gotten off at (a mile away for those who forgot) and board the train there. So after gathering everyone up and making the half an hour treck to the Baylor Medical Center Station, we managed to board a train. We knew this train was heading back to Fair Park but assumed since we were already on it that there would be no issues and we would remain in our seats as the other OU and Texas fans boarded. But how wrong we were.

When we arrived at Fair park, we were forced off the train because they were making room for all the fans that had waited in line to board the trains inside the fair. Very tired, pissed off, frustrated, annoyed, etc. We finally managed to get a cab and take it back to our hotel (a 40 dollar cab ride thanks to how far our hotel was from the game) at 7pm. The game had been over since before 4.

So lets recap what we learned from this experience:
1.) Never take Dallas Area Rapid Transit (DART) ever. Under any circumstances.
2.) Drinking with breakfast could and probably will lead to bladder problems later in life.
3.) Trying to outsmart the system only works when the system in place works, which obviously the DART did not.
4.) F My Life and My Life Is Average

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