Diary

"When you don't share your problems, you resent hearing the problems of other people."

"This is your life... and it's ending one minute at a time."

So I run away from the truth, trying to escape the reality that is my life. The truth is maybe I am a victim of circtumstance, but that doesn't change the fact that this place is a prison. I feel suffocated by it, knowing that no matter how far away I go I always have to come back. That there is always something anchoring me down here in this sea of settling. The same people, the same parties, the same drama, the same meaningless trite things that allow me to fall into a pit of mediocrity. It's not that I think I am better than anyone else, it's that I think I'm better than myself. That I should be more. That my life has gone down a path I wasn't allowed to choose. To quote Chuck Palahniuk like I did above:

"Drugs or overeating or alcohol or sex, it was all just another way to find peace. To escape what we know. Our education. Our bite of the apple."

Maybe the cynicism is just a cover up to hide my own insecurities, maybe the realism is just a bitter kid from a broken home who has been let down too many times. Maybe I'm too young to know any better. Maybe it's just late and I should go to bed.

"Everything you do shows your hand. Everything is a self-portrait. Everything is a diary."