Sunday, May 9, 2010

I've Landed

I look around and see the tall buildings and beautiful lights of downtown Austin. A cool breeze kisses my face. The melodies of a piano hit my ears sweetly, and the words to one of my favorite songs perfectly describe the feeling I have about where I'm at in my life... that I've finally "landed." I'm at Stubb's in Austin, peacefully and contently watching Ben Folds perform, and very simply loving life.

Sometimes you have to lose yourself in order to find yourself. The last year I spent in Tyler, that's exactly what happened. I lost myself. I became someone I wasn't. I tried to transform myself to meet what I thought other people wanted me to be. When really the people who knew me best saw that I in fact was the most unhappy I had ever been, despite being close to graduating and suppose to be in the most exciting time of my life. When it finally all caved in on me, I realized that I had done exactly what I had always promised myself I wouldn't. I conformed. I put my own beliefs and dreams to the side and let others take over my own life.

Standing there listening to Ben sing the words, it never felt more clear that I am finally where, what, and who I want to be. I am comfortable in my own skin again. I have people in my life that like me for who I am. I don't hide under labels or try to fit anyone elses agendas. I'm finally myself... I'm finally home... I've finally landed.

"If you wrote me off
I'd understand it
'Cause I've been on
Some other planet
So come pick me up
I've landed...

And you will be so
Happy to know
I've come alone
It's over

And I opened my eyes and walked out the door
And the clouds came tumbling down
And it's bye-bye goodbye I tried
Down comes the reign of the telephone czar
It's okay to call
And I will answer for myself
Come pick me up... I've landed."

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