Forever Young

Hadn't updated this in awhile because I have been pretty busy. This past weekend was the first time in over 2 months I didn't have someone staying with me, the first time in over 6 weeks I didn't go downtown, and the first time in a over month I didn't float the river. Other than grocery shopping I accomplished very little except for some pool time and some serious R&R.

Sometimes I have trouble turning my brain off and truly being able to let myself relax and enjoy where I'm at. I see people all around me taking very different life paths then the one I am currently traveling. I have friends getting married, having children, others off traveling the world, starting their careers, buying houses. It amazes me sometimes to think that I really am 23, really on my own making it in the "real world," and really have gotten to this place in my life.

When I was at the pool by myself on Saturday I saw a little boy not any older than 5 playing by the pool. I saw the sheer joy in his eyes when his dad started playing catch with him. And I could honestly remember what it felt like to be that kid. To not have a care in the world, to have absolutely no idea what I was suppose to be when I grew up, and not caring. To not have every moment of my life scripted out for me, but to be able to just enjoy being alive and doing care free things, like playing catch with my dad.

I find myself watching the slideshow of pictures I have on my computer as my screen saver. Maybe I'm vane, but I find myself constantly thinking as the pictures scroll by just how lucky I am. I've had an absolutely amazing life. I've seen some incredible things, been to some awesome places, and have met some of the most interesting people I can think of. But at the end of the day, the thing I'm most thankful for are the people in my life who have helped me get to this place where I am today.

I'm thankful I saw that little kid playing, and that I was able to have a weekend alone to stop, take a breath, and remember the things that have made me such a happy person almost my entire life. Sure I've had a lot of hardships I had to overcome, but for every sad or negative situation that has happened to me, I can think of a 100more happy positive ones that trump those. Nothing in life is perfect, no one is perfect, and you can't enjoy the sweet without the sour, so I'm as thankful for the bad times as I am the good.

I think what I'm trying to say is sometimes when life seems like its flying by, sometimes its best to just stop; remove yourself from the fast lane for awhile; and just remember to enjoy the little things. I'm a 5 year old trapped in a 23 year old body, and I hope that never changes. I have my responsibilities, I take care of my business, but at the end of the day I hope to always be young at heart. Life is too short to take seriously all the time, and if you don't stop and smell the roses every once in awhile, you'll wake up one day old, sad, alone, and wondering where your life went. As for me, I'm here, I'm today, and I'm happy. And it is my sincere hope that you can say the same.

I've Landed

I look around and see the tall buildings and beautiful lights of downtown Austin. A cool breeze kisses my face. The melodies of a piano hit my ears sweetly, and the words to one of my favorite songs perfectly describe the feeling I have about where I'm at in my life... that I've finally "landed." I'm at Stubb's in Austin, peacefully and contently watching Ben Folds perform, and very simply loving life.

Sometimes you have to lose yourself in order to find yourself. The last year I spent in Tyler, that's exactly what happened. I lost myself. I became someone I wasn't. I tried to transform myself to meet what I thought other people wanted me to be. When really the people who knew me best saw that I in fact was the most unhappy I had ever been, despite being close to graduating and suppose to be in the most exciting time of my life. When it finally all caved in on me, I realized that I had done exactly what I had always promised myself I wouldn't. I conformed. I put my own beliefs and dreams to the side and let others take over my own life.

Standing there listening to Ben sing the words, it never felt more clear that I am finally where, what, and who I want to be. I am comfortable in my own skin again. I have people in my life that like me for who I am. I don't hide under labels or try to fit anyone elses agendas. I'm finally myself... I'm finally home... I've finally landed.

"If you wrote me off
I'd understand it
'Cause I've been on
Some other planet
So come pick me up
I've landed...

And you will be so
Happy to know
I've come alone
It's over

And I opened my eyes and walked out the door
And the clouds came tumbling down
And it's bye-bye goodbye I tried
Down comes the reign of the telephone czar
It's okay to call
And I will answer for myself
Come pick me up... I've landed."

Moving Forward

As a recent college graduate, I notice how a lot of people my age put stock into the fact that they feel like they need to have a step by step plan to their life, an organized detailed description about what they want to achieve and how they are going to achieve it. Now as most people who know me already understand, I am a very organized person. I make lists all the time, I constantly over-analyze almost every situation, I like trips and events to be thought-out and planned, so I understand that feeling of needing to know exactly what is going to happen, how, when, and why. But the older I get, the more I realize that no matter how much you plan, prepare, and worry, nothing is going to help you predict the future. Life isn't going to go exactly how you wanted it to, and people need to stop trying to prepare for what they are hoping for and start learning how to deal with the unplanned situations life is giving them.

9 years ago I came to Austin and knew after one UT football game and then later that year a week at SXSW that I wanted to live here someday. I had other goals, barriers, mistakes, successes, and so much more things I had to accomplish before I could get here. I watched my parents go through a divorce, I graduated from high school, passed up an opportunity to go to UT Austin to take a full scholarship to TJC and save my parents (and myself) money. I broke girls hearts. I had mine broken. I graduated from college. I took a job in Austin that I ended up hating and I quit. I was almost completely broke with bills stacking up. But through all that I managed to achieve everything I set out to and ended up exactly where I wanted to be: Living and working in Austin doing a job I don't dread coming to, making enough to support myself on my own, and being an independent, hard-working college graduate with my whole life in front of me.

My point is, yes it is important to have goals, to try to achieve things, to better yourself. But while doing those don't ignore the path it takes to get there, and understand that it isn't going to go how you planned it, but that doesn't mean you still can't end up exactly where you set out to be. And maybe along the way you may realize that how it happened may not have been perfect or the way you had dreamed it would be, doesn't mean it didn't happen even better than you had planned it, and helped form and mold you into the person you are today... versus the one you had thought you'd be a decade ago. And in my case, I think that's a really good thing.

Live Like You're Dying

An exert from a piece by Chuck Palahniuk done for Men's Health Magazine:

Make Life Worth Living
Live Like You're Dying

Any man will tell you that it's not the big disasters that finish you. No, given an invasion by hostile space aliens or an attack of flesh-eating zombies, most guys will grab their coats and hats and run out to join the fray. Even a run-of-the-mill earthquake or forest fire constitutes a nice change of pace. Instead, what grinds us down are the parking tickets. The spoiled food in the back of the fridge. The dirty clothes at the bottom of the hamper that haven't seen daylight since 1995. Once you allow a critical mass of these petty annoyances to collect, you're sunk.

Regarding Culling, my point is: If you can shave, you can live.

The third C stands for Connect. This means contacting everyone you've known and saying something nice. No matter how much you hate them, let go of that bitterness. Identify some aspect of each person, something you've secretly admired or envied or coveted, and praise that something. Say how jealous you were of his career or happy marriage or a particular merino wool mock-turtleneck sweater.

Yes, this process feels like a huge humiliation, but what do you have to lose? Forget your self-pity. Forget your anger and defensiveness. Forgive everybody and forgive yourself. In another week they'll be gazing down into your casket, feeling just awful. So for now, throw them a bone. Give them a break.

Beyond that, fully imagine your death: the cozy warmth, the pleasant wooziness. The sound of your favorite film or music playing in the background. Envision your sparkling bathroom and empty filing cabinets. Then imagine the world without you. The same traffic jams and famines. The same political crap fights and your team never making the playoffs. People will forget you. Everyone will forget you. You're no Kurt Cobain, so just light your barbecue and toast a marshmallow. . . .

But if you've completed the Three C's, chances are good that you won't bother. Because by then you'll be surrounded by friends who now recognize you as a valuable, sensitive guy. Your oven will be clean, your car vacuumed. In the same way you procrastinated on your taxes, you can procrastinate on your death. And, at least for the moment, your hair looks . . . really great.

Atlas Shrugged

My favorite page from Ayn Rand's novel so far, page 127:


"Man? What is man? He's just a collection of chemicals with delusions of grandeur," said Dr. Pritchett to a group of guests across the room.
"Man's metaphysical pretensions," he said, "are preposterous. A miserable bit of protoplasm, full of ugly little concepts and mean little emotions--and it imagines itself important! Really, you know, that is the root of all the troubles in the world."
"But which concepts are not ugly or mean, Professor?" asked an earnest matron whose husband owned an automobile factory.
"None," said Dr. Pritchett, "None within the range of man's capacity."
A young man asked hesitantly, "But if we haven't any good concepts how do we know that the ones we've got are ugly? I mean, by what standard?"
"There aren't any standards."
This silenced his audience.
"The philosophers of the past were superficial," Dr. Pritchett went on. "It remained for our century to redefine the purpose of philosophy. The purpose of philosophy is not to help men find the meaning of life, but to prove to them that there isn't any."
An attractive young woman whose father owned a coal mine, asked indignantly, "Who can tell us that?"
"I am trying to," said Dr. Pritchett. For the last three years, he had been head of the Department of Philosophy at the Patrick Henry University.
Lillian Rearden approached, her jewels glittering under the lights. The expression on her face was held to the soft hint of a smile, set and faintly suggested, like the waves of her hair.
"It is this insistence of man upon meaning that makes him so difficult," said Dr. Pritchett, "Once he realizes that he is of no importance whatever in the vast scheme of the universe, that no possible significance can be attached to his activities, that is does not matter whether he lives or dies, he will become much more . . . tractable."
He shrugged and reached for another canape. A businessman said uneasily, "What i asked you about, Professor, was what you thought about the Equalization of Opportunity Bill."
"Oh, that?" said Dr. Pritchett, "But I believe I made it clear that I am in favor of it, because I am in favor of a free economy. A free economy cannot exist without competition. Therefore, men must be forced to compete. Therefore, we must control men in order to force them to be free."
"But, look . . . isn't that sort of a contradiction?"
"Not in the higher philosophical sense. You must learn to see beyond the static definitions of old-fashioned thinking. Nothing is static in the universe. Everything is fluid."
"But it stands to reason that if--"
"Reason, my dear fellow, is the most naive of all superstitions. That, at least, has been generally conceded in our age."
"But I don't quite understand how we can--"
"You suffer from the popular delusion of believing things can be understood. You do not grasp the fact that the universe is a solid contradiction."
"A contradiction of what?" asked the matron.
"Of itself."
"How ... how's that?"
"My dear madam, the duty of thinkers is not to explain, but to demonstrate that nothing can be explained."
"Yes, of course . . . only . . ."
"The purpose of philosophy is not to seek knowledge, but to prove that knowledge is impossible to man."
"But when we prove it, asked the young woman, what's going to be left?"
"Instinct," said Dr. Pritchett reverently.


Props to Morgan Jamison for forcing me to read this, I'm only about 150 pages in but so far this book is one of the most well written novels I have ever read. It is amazingly applicable to today's current society and economical situations, which is ironic since it was written in 1957. It is quite lengthy, but I would encourage anyone feeling up to the task to try and read this giant.

27 Reasons I Love Spring

27 because I ran out of good reasons around 20:

1. It's not February.
2. Christmas is far away and Valentine's is in the past.
3. Spring weather.
4. St. Patrick's Day.
5. Definition of multi-tasking at work becomes: the ability to balance researching for your fantasy baseball draft and filling out your brackets.
6. My birthday.
7. 12's over 5's
8. Hiking, campining, running, biking.
9. Frisbee, grilling, golfing, sand volleyball. (basically any excuse to be outside)
10. SXSW
11. College Football's Spring Practice .
12. Spring Break. Oh wait, I don't get one of those anymore. Damnit.
13. The person leading your bracket pool is a girl. No wait a minute, that sucks. Bad.
14. Collectively hating Duke. Wait, I love Duke. F you guys!
15. Trying to guess where the play-in game schools are located and missing by a mere 1,000 miles.
16. Seeing everyone you haven't seen in a year at church on Easter.
17. Beautifully executed back door passes.
18. Watching the offense torch the defense in Spring Practice and thinking that's a very good sign.
19. Eating and drinking outside.
20. Your national championship team losing in the Second Round. You hate it, but really it's more fun to enjoy March with your bracket torn up.
21. Deciding that St. Patrick's Day is technically St. Patrick's Week.
22. The BCS has nothing to do with deciding national championships.
23. Crying when Duke, Texas, and whatever random low seeded team I picked to go far all lose early.
24. A tradition like no other... The Masters on CBS
25. April 5, 2010: MLB opening day.
26. Knowing that no matter how ridiculous it is, that whoever is down 3 with 4 seconds left is going to make a 3-pointer to send it to OT. Happens everytime.
27. MARCH MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Bucket List

This is a list of things I want to do before I die. Some of these things I've already accomplished (in bold), others, I plan to in the very near future, and still others may take me a lifetime to achieve. Granted this is a work in progess, so other things will be added, as I'm sure some things I will lose interest in doing and take off at some point. Anyways, here you go... my bucket list:



See a World Cup Final in person
See UT win a National Championship in person
Graduate college
Move out of Tyler
Live in Austin
Fire a pistol
Learn to surf
Live outside of Texas for at least a year
Run a marathon
Smoke with someone famous
Live outside of America for at least a year
Write a novel
Learn sign language
Learn Spanish
Relearn Tae Kwon Do
Learn to play an instrument (piano, drums, and/or guitar)
Take dance lessons (Hip hop, ballroom, salsa)
Dive in a submarine
Tour the Coliseum in Rome
Ride a gondola in Venice
See the Acropolis and Athens, Greece
Watch a soccer game in London, England / See Stonehenge, United Kingdom
Scuba dive the Great Barrier Reef and see the Sydney Opera House, Australia
Party at Oktober Fest in Germany / drive a car on the autobahn
See the Louvre & Eifel Tower in Paris, France / see the Tour de France in person
Visit Amsterdam, Holland
Walk on The Great Wall of China
Tour the Pyramids of Giza, Egypt
Do a canopy zip line tour in the Amazon rainforest
Go to a beach in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
See St. Peter's Basilica and the Vatican, Rome
See the Kremlin in Russia
See Spain
Visit the Taj Mahal, India
Hike around the Statues of Easter Island, Chile
Visit Las Vegas
Camp at the Grand Canyon, watch a sunrise there
See the monuments in Washington DC (again)
Visit Portland, Oregon (again)
Participate in Mardi Gras in New Orleans
See a Red Sox game at Fenway in Boston
Visit Los Angeles
Take a train trip to Chicago, see the Great Lakes
See the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Empire State Building, Ice Skate at Rockefeller center, spend NYE, climb the Statue of Liberty, see US Open (tennis) in New York City
See Niagara Falls
See a Duke game at Cameron Indoor
Visit Vancouver, Toronto, and Montreal
See Alaska (dog-sled or fly-fish depending on season)
Visit San Diego
See the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, CA
Go to the Pike Place Market in Seattle, WA
See Mount Rushmore
Ride a helicopter in Hawaii
Camp in Redwood, Yellowstone, and Joshua Tree National Parks
Go to the College World Series in Omaha
See a PGA Major (Masters, US Open, PGA)
See a Final Four
Eat BBQ and listen to blues on Beale Street in Memphis
Visit SeaWorld
Go to the horse races
Go rock climbing
Go jet skiing in the ocean
Witness a solar eclipse
Go canoeing or kayaking
Learn to water ski
Try fencing