Going Solo

(As originally written for KTSW San Marcos)

When I first move to Austin at the beginning of 2010, the chance to see live music consistently played a big part in my decision to relocate there. Growing up in a conservative East Texas town, getting to see bands perform was rare. After attending SXSW in Austin in 2002 and visiting friends in the city often while I was in college, I saw that it lived up to the hype as being the “Live Music Capital of the World.” However, once I got there, I ran into a problem: What do I do when I want to go see a show and no one wants to go with me?

Despite having friends living in Austin already, not all of them were as eager to go see bands they had never heard of at small clubs and bars on random weekday nights as I was. I will admit that at first I was hesitant to go alone. It was definitely outside of my comfort zone. Who do I talk to in between sets? Who do I turn to and yell “this band is awesome!” or “this song sucks” to? I had only had concert experiences with friends in the past, so it felt a little awkward to be standing in a crowd alone.

My mindset completely changed during my first time attending Austin City Limits in 2010. Although I showed up to the festival with a group, it was inevitable for us to get separated once bathroom breaks and beer runs started. I found myself alone, floating my way through the crowds. Once I came to terms with the fact that it was highly unlikely I would find my group again, I felt a sense of freedom in the fact that I could now essentially do whatever I wanted. 

Gone were the worries of checking to see if everyone could see the stage, if anyone needed to use the restroom, the debates of when to leave this set to make it to another one across the park. I realized that although I had lost my friends, I had 70,000 other “friends” in the park all there to enjoy the festival just like me. I witnessed LCD Soundsystem deliver an electric performance as the sun set behind the crowd, tried flirting with Warpaint for the first time from the front row, and held up Wayne Coyne from the Flaming Lips in his plastic encasing as he walked out into the crowd. From that moment on, I realized seeing concerts alone may not only be enjoyable, but might actually be preferable.

There is a lot of coordinating that goes into attending shows with a group of people. When and where do we meet? How close does everyone want to get? Will we be able to find each other if we need to go to the bathroom? These can all cause stress before the show even starts. It can be even worse when going with a significant other. The worrying about their experience can actually take away from your own personal enjoyment of the concert. There is also the dreaded “can we leave early?” question that can arise. “Leave early? And miss the encore? Are you crazy?!” Speaking from experience, this can lead to tension, both during the show and long after the concert is over.

Going to a venue alone gives you the flexibility to move through the crowd and find a spot that is just perfect for you and you alone. We all come in different shapes and sizes, so when you are in a group it is not always easy to find somewhere that suits everyone. Rolling solo also eliminates distractions. While I agree sometimes it is great to share concert experience with friends or significant others, there are also times when you want to focus on the show itself and get lost in the music, and not have your chatty Cathy friend next you trying to show you their Snapchat. Which reminds me, while we are on the topic of concert etiquette…

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

If you are going to a show so you can chat with your friends, go to a bar instead so the rest of us can hear the band we paid to see! 

Please excuse me while I step down from my grumpy old man soapbox, but seriously - if you are talking loudly with your friends during a headlining set of a show, have some courtesy and either save it for afterwards or consider moving to the back of the crowd. 

So next time you want to go check out a band, consider only putting one ticket in your cart at checkout. Get there when you want, grab the perfect spot, and enjoy the undistracted and stress free environment of getting lost in the music. You may never want to go with a group again!

Rockport - August 2016

Last week I visited Massachusetts for the second time with my wife. The first time we came was in December of 2013, just a few months after we started dating, so that I could meet her father who lives in Rockport just outside of Boston. It just so happened that the week we were there was one of the coldest weeks they have had in that area in almost 25 years, and I also managed to catch the flu during the flight. But despite single digit temperatures outside and trying to contain my triple digit body temperature inside, we managed to have a fun trip which included touring Fenway Park and catching a game at the Garden to watch the Celtics play the Knicks. We also spent a day in Rockport, which was the day it snowed over half a foot. Seeing snow fall that hard while also looking at the ocean was a surreal experience for me.

This time, we were smart and decided not to visit the Northeast during the winter, and would be seeing Boston and the coast in the middle of August. Amanda has been visiting the area for most of her life, as her father has lived in Rockport since she was 4, so visiting for her feels as much as a homecoming as it does a vacation. I have been lucky enough to go to Ecuador to visit my father earlier this year, and more recently took a trip to Lake Tahoe with Rogue Expeditions (see previous blog post for a recap of that trip), so I was excited about getting to take one more trip before we both start the Fall semester of our graduate school programs.

After early flights, we arrived around lunch time and her dad picked us up at the airport and drove us the hour or so out to Rockport, where we ate lunch on a patio overlooking Cape Ann and the Atlantic Ocean. We ate clam chowder and caught up, and then headed to his condo to unpack and get settled. After a short jog around town to shake out our legs, the evening was spent telling stories and laughing, and once in bed, we stayed up to watch Benjamin Button all the way through despite being exhausted from our 3 AM wake up call that morning.

On Friday, Amanda met with a higher up at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston for lunch to network and learn more about the hospital, and her father and I strolled down Newbury Street, a popular shopping and eating destination in the heart of the city. My father in law proceeded to give me excellent life advice over our lunch, which is typical when spending time with him. When we picked up Amanda after her meeting, she was beaming with excitement for having gotten to see a lot of Mass Gen and share her ideas for her future with a fellow UT graduate. We stopped for ice cream on the way back to Rockport, and settled in for a movie that night.

The next morning, I decided to go on a running adventure and run along the Essex Coastal Scenic Byway to the Annisquam Lighthouse about 6 miles away from where we were staying. The road itself lived up to its name, and the Light(house) at the end of the tunnel was stunningly beautiful. People commenting on the photo I posted to social media asked if it was really a photo I took, or rather a picture of a painting I was posting. I had not been prepared for how beautiful the coast is in the Northeast during this time of year. Even the rocks were beautiful. That night Amanda and I shared a romantic dinner at the same balcony restaurant we ate lunch at the first day, and watched the sunset over the sleepy town.

On Sunday, Amanda and I rented bikes and explored Rockport on two wheels. The houses are a combination of historic, huge, and beautiful, and come in all shades of colors. We finished the bike ride with a dip in the ocean at Front Beach, which added to the bodies of water I have gone swimming in this calendar year (Amazon Rainforest in Ecuador, Lake Tahoe, now the Atlantic Ocean). We ended our day watching Memento, which we had never seen.

It was bittersweet having to head home the next day, as we felt as though we had just gotten comfortable and relaxed in our little beach condo getaway. But it was great to finally get to take a trip together, as we had both traveled without each other over the course of our first year of marriage, but hadn't taken a trip together since right after we got in engaged over 2 years ago to Portland. While it can be good to have those breaks away from each other at times, trips like these remind us that we truly are each other's best friend, and it left us feeling refreshed before we both get busy in the grind this Fall.

Running with Strangers

(As originally written for and posted by Rogue Expeditions

http://www.roguexpeditions.com/blog/running-with-strangers)

Almost exactly two years ago I joined my first training group at Rogue Running in Austin, Texas and was invited by my coach to come listen to an informational meeting about a run based traveling company called Rogue Expeditions. I sipped on a beer and watched intently as this couple named Allison and Gabe described how their love for running and traveling had led them to start this company, which included trips to locations such as Kenya, Patagonia and Morocco. I remember being struck by how passionately the couple talked about wanting to create memorable adventures for those who signed up for their trips. Going on one immediately went on my bucket list.

Flash forward to two weeks ago, as I was boarding a flight to Reno, Nevada where I would be picked up along with five other first-time Rogue Expedition trip takers to be the 2016 group to #RunTahoe. I had hardly slept the night before due to excitement, yet ultimately still did not really know what to expect. I would be staying in a cabin with strangers, visiting a part of the country I had never been to, and logging my longest week of miles this calendar year (not to mention logging those miles via trail running which was also not something I had done a lot of). So the sleepless night of excitement may have also had twinges of nervousness mixed in. However, I managed to make my short connection at LAX and arrived safely in Reno (as did my checked luggage) and was greeted at the baggage claim by a very cheery Allison and other runners in the group. The excitement from everyone was palpable, and even one participant whose luggage had not arrived with her flight was still in great spirits as we all began to bond in the car ride to our lodge for the next five days. Pretty quickly my nerves about vacationing with strangers began to subside.

            For runners, bonding is not a new concept. There is the bond created from sharing the misery of training runs. There is the amazing atmosphere created before, during, and after races in which there is always a feeling of celebration. There is that shared runners high when sharing a drink or meal that feels truly earned. I have also found that it is often easy to bond with other travelers. When you meet other people away from home, you get to share stories, and people seem to really open up when they are out of the comfort zone of their daily routines. These two different ways of connecting with people are merged in this environment cultivated by Rogue Expeditions.

  

After arriving at the cabin and getting to meet everyone in the group, we set off on our first run of the trip. The Donner Lake Rim Trail would give us amazing views of Donner Lake, where the infamous Donner party was stranded in the 1840’s, and we would get to cross over the famed Pacific Crest Trail. Running at altitude can be a bit of an adjustment, but the amazing views and perfect weather distracted us.

 Gabe, Allison, and our other guide Sarah were all very gifted in the kitchen, and each meal prepared by them provided perfect fuel for the adventures we were having during the trip. We had everything from Thai food to fajitas to steaks, and being able to have home cooked meals only added to the family vibe of the trip. On day two, we ran the Rubicon Trail, ending with a picnic on a secluded beach right on Lake Tahoe in the popular area of Emerald Bay. The cold water was refreshing as we ate and took photos of the amazing views around us.

            Day three was the long run, which consisted of 14 miles on one of the most popular trails in the world – the Flume Trail. The views of Lake Tahoe from high up on this trail are incredible, and neither my words nor my pictures can do them justice. The pace for everyone on this run was slow, as we knew we would be stopping frequently to take pictures. We once again ended with a picnic on a beach, this time eating Argentinian styled wraps and climbing on the boulders of Chimney Beach. Back at our cabin, the group bonded over Cards Against Humanity and crossword puzzles, and the atmosphere continued to feel more like a family reunion then a house full of people who had just met days before.

            The fourth day was meant for recovery, but multiple people got up early to go on an extra run before the scheduled trail so that one of the group members who had to leave early from the trip would not have to run alone. The scheduled run took us through the abandoned tunnels of the transcontinental railroad. It was incredible to see the amazing graffiti artwork within the tunnels, and seeing tunnels carved and/or blasted through the sides of mountains was impressive. After another picnic, we headed to the Truckee River to go whitewater rafting. Truly living up to their promise of epic adventures, the hours on the river were a great change of pace from the trail running.

On the final morning, everyone woke up and run the “optional” last run to Moriah Point overlooking the Royal Gorge. Once again, the views did not disappoint, and it was hard knowing we would have to say goodbye to our little cabin on the Serene Lakes. As we began departing, genuine hugs and warm wishes were shared, and plans were already beginning to circulate for when we could all get together again for a reunion. It was not surprising to any of us that a lot of people end up signing up for multiple Rogue Expedition trips. I recently wrote a blog post for Rogue Running about joining a running group and finding a family, and that theme again permeates my feelings towards this trip. The connections shared, the experiences that Rogue Expeditions cultivated for us will never be forgotten by everyone who attended. Every detail was taken care of for us, and all we had to do was show up, run, and enjoy the views. I can’t wait to sign up for my next trip, and hope my words will inspire others to do the same.

I joined a running group to make friends, and instead I found a family

(As originally posted for Rogue Running in Austin, Texas)

https://roguerundown.wordpress.com/2016/07/06/i-joined-a-running-group-to-make-friends-and-instead-found-a-family/

In August 2014, I decided to join a training group at Rogue Running in Austin, Texas. I had just gotten engaged to my now wife, whom I met on Tinder (which is a story for another time), and was coming to the realization that as I had grown in my relationship with her, I had lost some of the friendships I had previous to meeting her. Although I graduated from college about a month before moving to Austin, my first four years in the Violet Crown could be viewed more as the “party” portion of my life than the four years I spent in college in my hometown in East Texas. However, most of the friendships I had made during that time were based more around going out and drinking than on something I could consider a healthy and sustainable lifestyle. As I moved down the path towards marriage, my time spent on the bar scene lessened, and I realized I needed a way to meet people that would be a little more conducive to my new, attempting-to-be adult lifestyle.

I learned about Rogue from a friend who had successfully run her first marathon while training with one of their groups. Previous to joining, I had casually trained for and successfully run a number of 10k’s and half marathons, which I did as almost a form of justification for my indulgent lifestyle. It was also somewhat meditative for me, the solitude of pounding the trails or pavement, so I was a little hesitant about running in the August Texas heat with a bunch of strangers.  I tried to maintain a positive attitude, especially considering I had at times in my life experienced the infamous “runners high” and figured if I could catch that sense of euphoria occasionally, that surely I could meet 1 or 2 people I might be able to bond with.

What happened over the course of the next few weeks, months, and now years is a laundry list of life lessons in connecting with people. Running in a group appealed to my competitive nature in a way I had not seen coming, and also reminded me of my past growing up playing team sports including soccer and basketball. I had not imagined a sport as considerably “solo” as running could be groomed and improved thanks to having a team or group around you, taking pleasure in your progress. I also learned that misery truly loves company, and that “embracing the suck” with fellow runners allowed me to overcome mental barriers to run distances I never could have imagined on my casual solo runs of the past.  The accountability these connections provided gave me strength on those early Saturday mornings when I did not want to get out of bed to put in the work I had signed myself up for, and at the end of every one of those runs, regardless how I felt during, I always felt accomplished and grateful for the kind words received from the cheerleaders around me. 

Post-run stretches turned into hang outs, dinners, happy hours, holidays, and life events. I even took my turn at coaching a few groups occasionally as an assistant coach for a season. The bonds forged on the roads of Austin have turned into lifelong friendships and a sense of community and family I could not have imagined. As I spent the Fourth of July with over 50 runners who woke up early to run in the hills of West Austin before enjoying some amazing food and fellowship, I could not help but be grateful for the family I have come to feel a part of. As I train for the New York City Marathon this November, I know that I have the support of hundreds of runners who truly want to see me succeed, and it will be those smiles and handshakes, likes on Facebook, and good luck filled text messages that keep me going. I didn’t need an app to find friends; I just needed to go Rogue.

Finding my iSoul Mate

“How did you meet?” I used to try to avoid this question like the plague when talking to people in regards to me and my girlfriend. People seemingly always put a lot of importance in the validity of a relationship based on how it began. Sure, I admit that even I was guilty of this for a while. I would have preferred some epic chance first encounter like I stopped to help her change a flat tire on the side of a busy highway, or returned her missing cell phone to her and left my number inside, but the reality of today’s modern and mobile world is that leaving meeting someone of substance up to chance encounters leads to a life of loneliness and longing. Even in Austin’s vibrant nightlife and bar scene, working up the courage to talk to someone you find physically attractive is intimidating, and it’s hard to truly get to know someone over club music and stiff drinks.

“We met on Tinder.” It’s not glamorous, it isn’t how you imagine your favorite Nichols Sparks’ novel beginning, and it is typically met with a shocking laugh or uneasy smile. But it is how I met my girlfriend and now roommate. For those not familiar with the so-called “dating” app Tinder, it is a mobile app based on a simple concept of “Hot or Not.” Pulling photos users get to choose from their Facebook profiles, Tinder gives people the chance to be as shallow as they want in trying to “connect” with people on the site. You can set a radius of up to 100 miles from your current location, and set parameters for the age range you’d like to see potential matches within. With a simple swipe to the left or right, you decide if the person you are viewing is attractive enough to try to potentially establish a connection with, or if they are better off being sent back to the depths of anonymity. You are only given the opportunity to converse via message with someone if you both give each other the positive swipe or “like.” Which to a lot of people can seemingly mean “like, I would totally do you.” From there, it is up to your own pick-up lines to get you past the potential cat-fishing, virtual relationship stage and  into the real, scary world of face-to-face interaction. What did I go with you ask? “You look really familiar, do we know each other?” Don’t worry, I’ll post another entry sometime soon titled “Pick-Up Lines 101.”   

Tinder can be a lot of things, depending on what you’re looking for and how you go about using it. A lot of people assume that everyone on it is simply looking to “hook-up.” Now I don’t necessarily believe that everyone using it could potentially meet their future spouse, but I have known many people who legitimately try to use the app for its so-called intended purpose: dating. Tinder provides a way to meet people in a world that is obsessed with their iPhones and instant gratification. The “You have a New Match” message you receive whenever someone whose photo you gave a positive swipe to reciprocates that “like” is an undoubtable ego-boost. Couple that with the fact that meeting someone randomly is nearly impossible in the go, go, go fast-paced atmosphere and environment a lot of people (especially in a city like Austin) live in these days, and you’ve got a perfect match… pun intended.

When explaining how I met my girlfriend to people who are unfamiliar with the app, I try to break it down in simpler terms. If you are single (and not even necessarily unhappily so), whenever you go to a bar, or even Whole Foods, a yoga class, the dog park, etc., you typically are not going to strike up a conversation with someone of the opposite sex unless you find them aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Now, this may sound shallow or unfriendly, but I am a realist and reality is that the first thing people who are either consciously or subconsciously looking for a mate are going to judge is appearance. This is a primal thing. So the fact that the first conversation I ever had with her was following an alert on my phone telling me that she had deemed me attractive, allowed me to come from a place of confidence. Similarly, a female accepting my offer to buy her a drink could have the same effect. The primary difference being that when I sent her that amazing pick-up line of “you look really familiar,” it was coming at a time where we were both at our own homes, completely sober, with very little distractions. So in a way, meeting her on Tinder provided a much easier, safer, and “real” environment to begin to get to know each other than if it had started by me trying to grind up on her at the club. Tinder opened the door, the rest was up to her and I.

A little bit of Facebook creeping, a lot of text message wittiness, and a Snapchat scavenger hunt later, and we were no longer just a virtual fling, but a real life item. Despite having since lessened our social media carbon footprint by deleting most of the aforementioned apps, I honestly believe our relationship would not and could not have begun in any other way. The accessibility of each other’s friends lists, photos, and instant communication all these provided allowed us to get a sense of what the other was like before we ever met, and essentially helped expedite the process that neither one of us even knew we were on or looking for. 9 months later, and we have been happily living together for months, with the rare fights usually stemming from what else but jealousy caused from social media and virtual communication. It’s a slippery slope at times, but I can say with full honesty and confidence that Tinder changed my life. With one swipe, I found the woman I want to marry. And if and when that day I propose comes, and she says yes, you better believe I will be posting about it on social media and sending my story into Tinder so that they can publish our story (and pay for our honeymoon).

Happy hunting Tinder-ers, choose your swipes well. You never know who might be on the other end just waiting to become your new flame. #godblesstinder

A Christmas Story

You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. Some of my gifts this year for Christmas included new tires for my car, and new running shoes for my feet. Both gifts couple well with some of my favorite hobbies: long, often solo road trips... and long, always solo runs. I also have been both self-proclaimed as well as notoriously been dubbed by others as being somewhat of a Grinch and/or Scrooge. After graduating high school, my parents divorce, moving out of the house I grew up in, and a few lack-luster (and at times lonely) Christmases, my sense of jolly had fallen by the wayside. I, for the better part of the last decade, had alienated myself from the Christmas spirit.

Last year, I tried turning over a new leaf. I opened up to the idea of Christmas a little more, got to spend time with my family, and enjoyed seeing the joy on my nephew Jude's face as he opened presents and talked about Santa. It made me long for some of the holidays from my youth, when that special toy, popular shoes, or brand new bike were under the tree. It wasn't a sense of jealousy I felt, considering I was the boy in my kindergarten class who told everyone Santa wasn't real, but more just a longing to be excited about a time of year that everyone else I know looks forward to year round.

As I departed for East Texas on Friday evening at work, I turned on a playlist of some of my favorite tunes, turned my phone off to save the battery, and began battling the holiday traffic. Once I got close to Tyler, I began contacting friends and making plans for the night. Hours later, I was surrounded by old classmates, friends new and old, ex's and old teachers and bosses, what seemingly felt like all of Tyler. Getting to see so many people I hadn't in a long time, and more importantly seeing my closest friends that I miss all the time was a really good experience. I used to dread going out in Tyler, and still admit to being very snobby about the scene now for obvious reasons of being spoiled to the nightlife available in my new home of Austin. But on this night, I realized that I wasn't out just for the sake of being out, and that I hadn't driven excitedly with a smile on my face all 4 hours to Tyler because I was looking forward to a Jameson and water at Rick's. I was so excited just to be in the presence of good people, the kind of people who have known me my entire life, been there for me through my highs and lows, and genuinely love me despite knowing literally all my faults and flaws. Although I am still bitter that the bar closed at midnight, it was still awesome getting to see so many people, and I woke up Christmas Eve in a great mood, despite the typical hang-over and lack of sleep.

I went for a long run at my old spot, Rose Rudman, in the rain, and tried to sweat out the toxins from the night before. After lunch at Jason's with my dad, and watching football with friends for a few hours, I was feeling extremely at home. Like I had never left Tyler, doing all the same things I did throughout high school and college. That evening, I went to my mom's house for presents, food, and drinks. Spending time with my entire family, eating a wonderful meal, sharing stories, exchanging gifts, it was a perfect night. Jude of course was as excited as last year, which was no surprise, but what was shocking to me was the excitement and sheer joy I was feeling as well. The gifts I got were all perfect, despite me not asking or even hinting for any of them, and the gifts I purchased for everyone all turned out to be hits.

This weekend has been hands down one of the best Christmases I've had in years. I wasn't focused on taking pictures to look back on later, I was focusing on making memories that I will look back on forever. As I drove the long drizzly drive back to Austin this morning, it finally dawned on me what my problem had been all those years. The true meaning of Christmas, past all the religious, political, and economical riffraff is about surrounding yourself with the people you love, that love you in return, and being able to share not only food and drinks and presents with them, but more importantly to share with them your feelings. To let them know how much you love them, appreciate them, and are grateful for them. It doesn't matter if you got that iPad you wanted, or if that gift card you gave was warmly received, its about the handshakes, the hugs, the kisses, and the I Love You's that the holidays bring out in everyone.

So just wanted to say to all my friends and family, both the ones I saw this past weekend and the ones I didn't but hope to see soon, I just wanted to let you all know that I love you all, I am extremely grateful and appreciative of all the love, support, friendships, and bonds I've been able to create, develop, grow, and share with you. I hope that everyone has had a great and warm Christmas, and that the new year brings many blessings and happy times. I am overwhelmed with how lucky I am to be where I am, but most importantly being who I am, and I know that the person I am is a direct result of the people I've been so blessed to be surrounded by in my life. Thank you so much!

Happy Christmas!

-Jo Jo (Jo)

Occupy Ourselves

I apologize in advance for this being lengthy, hadn't updated in awhile...

The past 2 years, I've been living a life full of highs and lows (quite literally), and until recently I pretty much had been sticking to the high points when it came to updating this blog and more or less bragging about this wonderful life I've been living. Well this past week I hit probably the lowest point I've reached since moving to Austin, and ever since then I've been trying to find some semblance of sanity, a clear picture of clarity, an answer to this arrogance I have seemingly created in my on-the-surface Polaroid perfect life.

24 is a strange age, trying to balance that feeling of still being a young and dumb college kid, with the responsibilities and hardships of being an adult living in the so-called "real world." Instead of "what are you studying?" or "what do you want to be?" it's "what are you doing these days?" Well, truth be told, I've been living life centered more or less around one thing... myself. And although at times I have felt completely justified in that venture (see older blog posts for proof), claiming that I will only be this young with such little responsibility for so long, the truth is, I've been hiding the painful truth. The truth I've been either too stubborn or naive to look at, but one that reared its glaring and ugly face at me recently, and that is the fact that I am not entirely satisfied with the life I'm living or the way I've been living it.

Do I regret everything I have done the past 2 years? Not in the least. I have seen more concerts then just about anyone I know, met some incredible people, made friendships that will last a lifetime, found a wonderful girl who is patiently putting up with me and my constant mistakes, and accomplished many things on my bucket list. So I can't say the past 2 years have been a complete failure. But it dawned on my recently that I've been hiding behind my rock-n-roll lifestyle to mask some of my insecurities and deficiencies. I have slowly but surely been trying to numb myself, self medicating, and justifying it anyway I could.

I am the Occupy Wall Street generation. We have been taught our entire lives that if we did good in school, got into a good college, studied and worked hard, that we would graduate and find ourselves working jobs we could be proud of. That the transition from college to the real world would be as simple as the one from high school to college was. That we could have our cake and eat it too. Well reality is upon us, and the truth is we are struggling to get blue-collar jobs as much as we are to get white-collar ones. The man who sits behind me at work listens to conservative talk radio all day everyday, and I hear all these older right-wingers screaming how we all hold this feeling of entitlement, that they worked for everything they earned and we shouldn't be upset with where we are at right now, we should just suck it up and deal with it. Well its true, we may have this feeling of entitlement, but its because it was what we were raised to believe. What we were taught since birth, from that older generation, the ones who weren't too proud to flip burgers. They taught us that we should get an education, that unlike them we shouldn't have to start at the bottom and work our way up. They worked hard so that we could get that education, and not fight to make it just to get by.

Well here I am, 24, a college graduate, struggling to get by. Working a job I needed no education for, at the only place who would even give me an interview. I have numerous times flooded the job market, applying to hundreds (literally) of companies, sending my resume out to anyone who would read it, and don't even get contacted to be informed that I wouldn't be receiving an interview. The few employers who did all said the same thing, I lacked the work experience. Well duh, because I went to school the past 18+ years of my life, like I was told to do my entire life.

Growing up, I believed by 25 I'd have a firm grasp on my future. I'd have something concrete to cling to, a job to be proud of, a nice car, a fancy apartment or condo or house even. Possibly be engaged or even married, contemplating baby names and working towards my first million. The reality is; at 25, I hope that my nearly 10 year old car will still run, that my crummy apartment won't be entirely caved in as the foundation has slowly begun to sink in, that I make enough money to afford to pay all my bills and still afford to have any amount of fun and eat meals more complex then Ramen Noodles and spaghetti. As far as marriage and babies go, despite seeing a growing number of Facebook statuses changing and baby pictures being posted, I would never even consider looking at an engagement ring until I could not only afford one, but could afford to get married. And at the rate I'm going, that might happen when I'm... 40?

So I've numbed myself to the reality of my situation, I go out and party just to forget that in all honesty I'm pissed off with what I've worked so hard to achieve. The older generation looks down at me, scoffs at me, because they think I don't know what hard work is, that I haven't gone through hardships or been through what they've been through. Well I've got news for them, for the past 20 months I have missed exactly 1 day of work that wasn't a vacation day asked for months in advance (which was this past Friday). I've worked 50+ hour weeks for a majority of that time. I've supported myself, paid my own bills, and managed to stay completely debt free. I don't owe anyone anything, I don't have a credit card or student loans to pay off, and I am proud of the fact that I can look at myself in the mirror and say I am self-reliant. So this so-called sense of entitlement you claim I am so naively crying about is a bunch of bull shit, because I work hard and all I want is what I was promised my entire life. I want a return on my investment.

I may not be able to control the economy, or what companies will or wont hire me, but there are a few things I can control. Namely, my lifestyle and the type of person I'm striving to be. So instead of pretending that my reality isn't in fact my reality, I've decided its time for me to grow up a little bit. That at 24, maybe getting wasted all the time and spending most of my hard earned money on booze and concerts isn't necessarily justifiable just because I'm not satisfied with the job I've fallen into. So instead of that beer, tonight I'll pick up a book. Instead of watching that unrealistic TV show about the perfect family or deadbeat love-able "hero" who always manages to get by despite being a dumb-ass, I'll write, and go to bed earlier so I can wake up earlier to work even longer hours. Instead of self-medicating and trying to escape reality, I'll go for a run and try to improve my physical well-being even if I can't improve my financial one.

Friday morning, 11-11-11, I woke up with a new take on life. Thankful to be alive, with a feeling I had been given a second chance that I might not have even deserved, and I'm going to try hard not to waste it. I want to be an example that people from my generation are not worthless hippies who want hand-outs, we are capable, hardworking, educated 20-somethings who will change the world when someone finally gives us the chance. It starts with self-improvement, and I encourage all of my friends to do the same. Am I saying I will never have another drink or see another concert? Hell no, I moved to this city to enjoy it and I fully intend to keep doing it. But that doesn't mean I can't be smarter or more mature about it. And maybe, if I keep my head high and a firm grip on my reality, I can be the change I want to see not only in myself but in this fucked up world we live in right now.

I worked over 11 hours today. I grocery shopped to save money. I put gas in my 10 year old car. I ran 3 miles. I did laundry at the apartment I pay for. I ate healthy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I wrote this long blog that no one but myself will probably read. I will read a good book till I fall asleep. I told the people I care about how much they mean to me... And I will get up tomorrow and do it all over again. Life is a daily struggle, but its all about making choices. I'm here, taking it one day at a time, but in the end the only person I need to impress is myself. And today, for the first time in awhile, I am proud.